A year ago today ...

... I was starting to have contractions! We decided not to go to church and stay home because I was so afraid of my water breaking! We went over to Cracker Barrel for lunch and I was having contractions 7 minutes apart all through lunch and so called Amanda to ask what they felt like. After talking with her, I was pretty sure I was having contractions, and they soon started to get closer and closer. About 4 PM, a friend from church called when they were 5 minutes apart and I told her what was going on. She told me to go for a walk and if I couldn't walk through them, I should go to the hospital. So, Chris and I went for a stroll. Thankfully it was warm out and not as cold as it is today. I was able to walk through them, but not comfortably. We hung out at the house for another couple of hours, called the OB nurse, and then finally decided to go to the hospital about 7 PM.

We did the whole triage thing for about an hour and then they put us in a room. At this point, my cervix was only 2 1/2 cm., so they stuck me in a backless gown and tennis shoes and had us walk the halls for what seemed like hours! Let me tell ya - I looked cute! The contractions were still stuck at 5 minutes apart for quite some time, so they finally put me in a bed, stuck me with an IV and gave me a wonder drug to help the pain and help me to relax! And relax I did - I felt like I was in some other universe. All I remember was the nurse coming to check Ethan's heart rate every so often. I was so in and out. I remember looking over at Chris just passed out on the cot and felt bad for him. He kept tossing and turning and every time he did the cot would squeak and wake me up. I remember repeatedly asking him if he was OK and comfortable, and then just drifting back to sleep.

At 5 AM on Christmas Eve, the drugs were starting to wear off and the nurse came to check my cervix. It hadn't changed AT ALL since 7 PM! I was so discouraged and to top it off, my contractions had stopped completely! They told me they were discharging me and to not be discouraged and that we would be back soon. She was so sure we would be back that night or Christmas day. Chris was still asleep when they told me all of this and when we woke up, he didn't know what was going on because I was packing my suitcase and getting back into my clothes. I just had a frown on my face and thought I was going to cry at any point. All that we had been though and still no baby in my arms. To make matters worse - as we were leaving the hospital, we passed the nursery and it was FULL of babies, but not ours. I feel so selfish for even saying that now because we've had friends who have lost their baby and didn't have a baby to bring home. That just breaks my heart to think of possibly not having that joy. I do thank my lucky stars every day that we did have to go through that and we were so blessed to be able to bring Ethan home, just not that day.

BUT the next day is a different story ... stay tuned!